Put three slabs of bacon on the frying pan on the butane stove on a windless part of the deck and let them cook in their own grease. Watch out for grease splashes, they will burn your fingers and legs! Once those are done, place them on a plate and fry two eggs in the bacon grease. Flip them over and place cheese on the fried side to melt while the other side cooks. Open up your bagel and put the bacon in, then lay the egg+cheese on top. Repeat 3 more times, make sure to drain the grease between sandwiches, though, or else your eggs will turn out weird and bubbly. Drain grease into any grease-holding vessel you can find in your trash bag; if it's a styrofoam cup, make sure you let the grease cool a little bit or else the grease will burn right through the side of it and onto one of your fingers. Pro tip: if you try to talk on the phone while cooking these, everyone will yell at you. After you're done, let Piers wash the dishes and get really angry and swear at them for being hard to wash.
For dinner, I whipped up a simple but elegant "Rice Martino":
Start boiling your rice, and open up the lid 3 minutes before you're done. Crack your four remaining eggs into the rice and water, and give it all a good stir. Let the rice finish, then open a huge can of chile and stir it all til it heats up.
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